I am currently snuggling with my puppy in my hometown in Maryland.
And it feels good to be back on the east coast for some much-needed family time. It's been a pretty emotional week for me this past week. The high and lows of throwing a huge magnificent event. A passing of a beloved member of my man's family. A couple deeply hurtful rejections. It was a lot. All at once. And being the proud sensitive soul that I am, I felt extremely aware of just how powerful emotions are.
I truly believe that being emotional is the most powerful form of rebellion. Because embracing our emotions and ALL of who we are is the only way we can be a change agent in the world.
But my goodness, emotions can be so confusing! And such a potent force. A few weeks ago I wrote about how you can change your emotions permanently, which you can read here.
Today, I want to take it a step further. Because I think for most of us, we don't even really know what is truly motivating our feelings. And if we have no idea what is motivating our emotions, it's no wonder we feel stuck in habitual patterns. When we don't know what is motivating our feelings, we start identifying with our perceptions and reactions. We even start defending them.
Take note, darling, that whenever you adamantly defend your reaction to what someone said or did... that's when you know you are fully identifying yourself by your patterns.
We cannot be liberated and free to respond and react how we please if these patterns are running our lives.
So let me break down how feelings ACTUALLY work.
You perceive something. You feel something. You think something. You react to something.
You see a child hit a dog. You feel angry. You think, "what child would do that!" You respond by running over to the child and pulling him off the dog.
Pretty simple right?
Notice, however, you feel something AND THEN you think something. Which means first you feel, and then the mind tries to come up with an explanation for why you feel that way based on past experiences, unconscious and conscious beliefs, stories, etc. Which means it's your feelings that are responsible for 99% of your actions. So if you don't even know what you're feeling... then... you can see why you may not be creating the results you really want.
My example was a basic one. But life is complicated. And with so many emotions running through our veins, it can be hard to separate the thoughts and the feelings. Before we know it, we feel justified in our feelings and we lash out at others. We latch on to their perceived weaknesses and don't even bother to question our reaction.
With the speed that we all operate life, it's no wonder our brain doesn't know what to do with the myriad of emotions we experience every day, and since our brain is super lazy, it does what it does best, it quickly connects the emotion to a thought and trusts you to take it the rest of the way.
Just the other day I had the thought, "I don't know what to do with my life." After further investigation, I realized that's not actually what I was feeling. What I was actually feeling was, "I miss my mom" but my brain automatically associated that feeling with a sense of uncertainty.
This is the biggest breakthrough I had when it came to my binge eating. It just didn't make sense why one day I would look in the mirror and thought I looked great, and the next day I felt fat. I realized that the thought, "I am fat" had nothing to do with my body and everything to do with an uncomfortable feeling that my brain was too lazy to process so it automatically associated it with something it knew a lot about, self-hate.
Feeling fat or like I don't know what to do with my life are patterns that my mind has created. And in order for me to reverse those habitual thoughts, I had to develop a deeper level of awareness. I had to let my feelings teach my mind rather than let my mind interpret my emotions.
Once you start taking ownership of your feelings, you get to determine your response to life.And that is how we break the cycle. The cycle of feelings like we are fat. Or not good enough. Or wrong. Because what we express contains that feeling and is what others feel and respond to in return. When you express fully, you attract fully.
It's time to make space to feel ALL of your feelings, love. Give them space to breathe before you start labeling them. Get into your body. Feel what sadness feels like. Feel what anger feels like. Be a child again. Remove the stigma that emotions are bad or uncontrollable. Those stories are no longer helping you be the whole, integrated human you desire.
I am not saying to react to your emotions or let them run your life. I am simply inviting you to consider that your feelings are driving your life, whether you want them to or not. So if you want to start taking ownership of your life, you're going to have to start giving attention to how you feel.
Your heart is begging you.
To your worth,