how to make empowered decisions when you’ve made mistakes

Making empowered decisions is one of the most important traits of a successful individual and leader.

But I also get that it’s hard to feel empowered around a decisions when you’ve been burned in the past. Maybe you’ve made some mistakes in the past and now you feel tender and raw to try at it again.

I know, I feel you. This is exactly how I feel about my rebrand in 2013 when I changed everything from ThaisG.com to CoachThais.com

At the time, I thought I was going to make it easier for people to find me. All my social media handles would be the same. It’s easy to spell.

But as time transpired, I hated being called “Coach Thais.” I am more than just a coach and I felt it’s a disservice to my offerings to be labeled as a title that doesn’t nearly describe what I do.

However, because I made a decision that I didn’t ultimate find helpful, I spent years hemming and hawing over changing it again. 

This is just one most recent experience I have had with feeling unable to make a decision because of past mistakes. Of course there are so many other instances, like in the past when I couldn’t trust myself around food. Or money.

The question then becomes - how do we trust ourselves again after making decisions we feel didn’t serve us?

I see way too often women deciding that because they made one bad decision, they cannot be trusted. They mishandle their personal finances when it comes to buying expensive handbags, so they don't trust themselves to hire a coach. They have had a string of bad relationships so they no longer date because they don't trust they will make a good decision. Etc etc.

Where in YOUR past have you made a decision that because you've come to regret, you no longer trust yourself in that area?

The bigger the "mistake" the bigger the trauma.

But here's the thing: never making a decision again is not the right approach. Denying yourself the joy of dating or committing to a coach or rebranding all because of the past... is actually perpetuating that past into the future. Which, then, no wonder you still continue to make bad decisions around handbags and men, you never actually let go of the past.

It's time to try a new way. So here is my four step process to support you in coming back to trust so you can create the life you want:

1) Honor The Trauma

Often times, we don't actually allow ourselves to feel the emotions and grief that comes with making a mistake. Some even go so far as to say "I don't have any regrets because everything I have done has led me here." And while that's a very enlightened comment, unless you grieved for the mistake, you are just bottling your emotions, which inevitable will explode when you least expect it.

So make sure you give yourself space to really be in the sadness and anger over whatever decision you made. Process that shit. Let it out. Until you do, it's going to keep having a hold over you.

As for me, I really had to sit down with the grief over my name. Over the challenges of being a Brasilian in this country. Over the branding mistakes where I didn't see the whole picture. Over finally accepting that I would have to say goodbye to a name I have worn since I was born if I am going to be known in a cohesive, integrated way.

2) Practice Forgiveness

Our inability to make future empowered decisions because of our past mistakes is an indication of where we still need to practice forgiveness. This is your opportunity to practice letting go, forgiving your human nature, and letting bygones be bygones. 

Just because you've made one {or a few} decisions that didn't work out doesn't mean you're bad or wrong. It doesn't mean you can't be trusted again.

Let that stuff go so you can create space for something new in your life. If you are having a hard time forgiving, pray. Pray to the Universe to support you. Ask that you be shown why you can't forgive, and then really look at it. Odds are, you moved through step 1 too quickly. When you can really let go of old wounds, forgiveness is easier. 

Forgiving myself over my past rebrand meant looking at why I did what I did, and accepting that I was doing the best that I could with the limited information I had. I held my past self in my heart, loving her for her decisions, honoring the intention, and knowing that I am no longer that woman, I no longer have to carry this burden.

3) Reclaim Your Story

This is where you can start to shift your perspective on your mistake. Because let's be honest, there is no such thing as a mistake. It's all good. It's all a part of this life school. Notice, this mindset shift should ONLY take place after you've forgiven and experienced your loss. Now it's time to create a new future, and that begins by accepting your past as a part of the journey.

There is nothing wrong or bad about what happened in the past, those experiences taught you what you needed to know in order to make even more badass decisions in the future. You are not defined by your past. It's time to claim what you want and move towards it.

Once I started forgiving myself, it was time for me to decide how I wanted to rebrand from CoachThais into a name that felt like a FUCK YES to me. I explored options, I sat with different possibilities, and because I was still tender from my past experiences, I asked a lot of irrelevant people for their opinion. It finally got to the point that I had to decide that if I wanted this, I would have to give MYSELF permission. It was time.

4) Take Action

Of course, no transformation is complete without taking a bold action to cement your new understandings. Bold action is the catalyst for internalizing new concepts and it's key to getting back on the horse. This is your time. 

And so, this is my action. Claiming my new story as Thais Sky. Rebranding myself all over the internet to align myself with my new name. This feels fresh, fun and part of the multi-million dollar brand I am building. I am excited to be coming to you as Thais Sky, and I hope you join me as I celebrate overcoming my fears, saying yes to empowered decisions, and showing you that no matter the size of the decision, anything can be overcome with enough love, tenderness and conviction.

Now it's your turn. What empowered decision are you committed to making?

In light + leadership,