how to increase the capacity to care for others
I have been really digging the word “capacity” lately as it relates to our ability to be in care for ourselves and others. it’s a topic that my friend and I dive into in my latest RECLAIM podcast episode and a concept that has helped me shape whether the invitation lies in inward or outward movement.
Let me explain:
Knowing what level of capacity we are working with at any given moment offers a tremendous amount of information. When we are at low capacity it tells us to move inward and offer care to our physical, mental or emotional needs. When we are at high capacity it tells us to move outward into action and care for others.
We often glamorize external capacity {ie caring for others} while neglecting our inner capacity {ie caring for ourselves}. But I have learned that as I honor my needs, do the healing work and extend care towards myself first, I increase my capacity to tend to the needs of others without resentment and expectation and frustration.
My level of care to others deepens as my capacity towards being with my complexity expands.
Given what is happening in the world right now, and my tendency to want to give to others at the expense of my wellbeing, it has been helpful for me to check in with my capacity levels to see what I am able to offer that day. By asking myself how I am doing and how is my energy level and what needs are not being met, I can get a greater sense of what I am capable to offer others.
During a time where we are may be feeling a lot of pressure to show up for others in a big way, this may feel like a balanced way to examine what we are capable of and where our limitations lie.
Because if you’re anything like me, you tend to compare your pain to someone else’s pain and diminish your own needs as a result.
It’s important to remember that our experience is valid regardless of how someone else is experiencing their life. Your pain is allowed to feel as big as it needs to feel. There is no hierarchy of pain. Period.
I know there may be a tendency right now in particular to feel like you can’t complain because at least you’re not where THEY are. And it’s true it’s important to acknowledge privilege where it exists. But that doesn’t make your experience any less valid. you’re allowed to have feelings no matter what other people are experiencing.
And yes while it’s the kind thing to do to be conscious of where you seek support of those feelings {aka be mindful not to dump your feelings on those who may not be able to hold it bc of their own experience...} that doesn’t make how you feel any less real.
Knowing your capacity and not falling into comparison are important elements of increasing our ability to support others.
XO Thais
