One of the biggest desires my clients come to me with is the desire to change their relationship with money. They feel like they don’t trust themselves around money. They feel unable to save money or bring more money in. They feel unworthy to spend money on themselves or on something they really want.
What we generally do when we are in that space is we do some Google searches, hire people who are making the million billion dollars, read some books. Again and again, we are told things like your net-worth is equal to your self-worth and that if you want to make a lot of money you have to charge your worth, and that if you simply focus on your mindset, you will start raining abundance and unlimited money.
We do the activities, we try our very best to alter our thoughts, we say affirmations to ourselves over and over and over again.
And for some people, that process works for them. But for me and the clients who come to me, we found we still weren't making all this money, which left us feeling even more broken and inadequate than before. The whole experience of trying to shift our relationship with money fed right back into our worthiness wound.
So if you’re there right now, I know that frustration fully. And here are my thoughts around this.
First, I believe if we are to truly change our relationship with money, we have to first understand the context in which money operates in.
We live in a capitalistic society where the inherent value of a person is viewed by their ability to participate in the economy. The more goods and services you produce and consume, the greater you are perceived as valuable. Look at how we speak of CEO’s like Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk. They are the icon of the capitalistic structure, and they are revered as such.
This is where statements like “earning a living” comes from, an insidious cultural belief that you must earn a life. Sit with that for a moment. Earn a life. What are we really telling people? The underlying message is clear: you are not worthy simply for existing, you are worthy by how much you make. If you don’t make anything, you are dead weight. We don’t have to look far to see this in action; just look at how we treat the elders of our culture, or the disabled.
So it’s no wonder we’ve tied our worthiness to money, our culture thrives on it. Because unworthy people unconsciously consume stuff they don’t need in an attempt to appear valued. Because unworthy people use work to overcompensate for their feelings of inadequacies. Because unworthy people lean on food and alcohol and other numbing techniques to not feel their unworthiness, and subsequently to not question the system.
While the economic engine prospers to the benefit of a few at the expense of many, the rest of us are left feeling broken and used.
So let's get one thing straight. Your net-worth is not equal to your self-worth because that’s like saying your car is equal to your mom’s love for you. It doesn’t make sense. There is no use for statements like that because there is no amount of money that can be placed on your worthiness and sense of belonging.
It's a false equivalence that your worth is in any way connected to capitalism. You are worthy regardless of how much you make, how much you own, how much you consume.
They say you can’t put a price tag on love, so why do we insist on putting a price tag to our worth?
The work now lies in healing the worthiness wound and dismantling the internalized beliefs we have around money and worth. The more you can remove the erroneous connection, the greater the freedom you can experience because the charge around money stops consuming you. Simply put, you are no longer looking at money for validation of your existence. When you remove the meaning you’ve placed on money as a sign that you belong, you can begin to look at money for what it is.
Now, I don’t believe that money is this totally neutral thing. Yes it’s a human-made object that has no inherent value aside from what we put into it. But unlike your couch, or many other inanimate objects in your life, money is, on some level, necessary for survival in this world. Instead, I think we need to see money as a tool. A tool that if used unconsciously and selfishly can create a lot of harm. A tool that if we can bring our whole sovereign self into its use, it can offer us the experiences we want while also contributing to societal evolution, eventually, we can hope, reaching a place where capitalism is replaced with something that benefits all.
When we do the important internal work of healing our worthiness wound, we cultivate space to perceive money differently. We see that yes we are worthy of anything we want, and at the same time, getting what we want doesn't mean anything about who we are as a human being. Doesn't that sound so liberating? That we can navigate this world free from a reliance on external validation for our happiness.
So what if instead of saying to each other, "You are worthy of money," we say instead, "You are worthy, and how much you make does not determine your worth." What could happen to our capacity to be in a space of receiving and spending money if our entire internal system was not held captive to our bank account?
This is what true sovereignty looks like. This is what is possible for all of us. And this is what I believe to be the true path of financial liberation.
To your worth,
PS. My signature program, Worthy Women Rise is a four month quest on reclaiming your worth, embodying your truth, and rising into your most expressed self. We will explore money and worthiness in depth, developing a new way around feeling confident in our money making abilities that has nothing to do with associating our worthiness to money. Will you be joining us? You can learn more and get on the waitlist here.