what is your rigidity really about?

Rigidity is often a sign that there is a wound underneath.

Remember - you can infuse stability without rigidity.

I first noticed rigidity within myself around food. I had so many rigid rules on how to eat, what to eat, when to eat… as well as how often I should exercise and when. If anyone attempted to change my plans I would fall into a spiral of shame and overwhelm. My rigid rules were the only things keeping me glued together, or so I thought.

Through my healing work, I found that when we explore with curiosity where we are rigid, when we offer compassion to the places that feel righteous… we open ourselves up to new ways of being. We become softer. The idea of embracing more softness can be scary in itself - but this softness has a strength that rigidity could never offer. Don’t get me wrong… softness is not about bending over backwards for others, being a pushover, or losing yourself… it’s about being able to hold firm in who you are while also being adaptable to change.

It’s actually about creativity.

Notice where you are closed off to change. Notice where it’s your way or the highway. Notice where you are inflexible. Rigidity often feels like a holy righteousness but when we dig deeper we often find a fear that if we bend, we will break.

Rigidity can look like being unable to go even a day without a certain ritual without you feeling bad or broken. It can look like upholding rules or expectations of yourself or others that is hurting you. It can look like demanding life be a certain way.

That’s not to say rules and structure aren’t important. Or that being firm of mind or committed to your values is wrong. There is of course a place for all of it. But do not be mistaken, there is a difference between setting up structures for our success, and rigidly believing our success lies in being unbendable.

Rigidity is not wrong. You are not broken or bad for being rigid. It’s actually a gift, our rigidity, because it points directly to a painful space within us that is needing tending. When you look at the places in your life where rigidity comes up, do you meet it with… well… more rigidity? Or, knowing that this is a place that needs tending, can you tread a little more softly and let it be an opportunity to practice self compassion?

Curiosity can change everything.

xo
Thaís