navigating expectations and the problem with mind reading

Notice in your relationships where you secretly hope that the other person can read your mind. That they should “just know.”

That is not relating, that’s enmeshing.

And where there is enmeshment, there is usually resentment.

Unspoken expectations, AKA - hoping that the other person will just know what we want if they really “know” us, is the bedrock of resentment. It’s part of what I call fantasy relating, where we relate to other people in terms of who we wish them to be rather than who they are. And it will predictably lead us to disappointment because no one can know us better than ourselves, no matter how often we feel “seen” by them.

The best way to navigate disappointments in relationship isn’t to not have expectations, but to communicate them and get curious about them as often as we can.

I spend some time exploring this on my RECLAIM podcast episode 140, all about navigating disappointment and expectations. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.