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I want to talk with you today about the concept of giving yourself permission to change your mind.

When I look back, I can see that giving myself permission to completely scrap the vision I had been laboring over and starting anew has resulted in living a life that is in greater and greater alignment with my highest purpose.  

And on the flip side, I can see that delaying the scrapping process and clinging to an idea of how things should be has without a doubt been the #1 contributing factor to all of my biggest pain points.

What I have come to understand is that giving myself permission to change my mind is not about being non-committed or not following through, it's about knowing when to let go. It's about trusting that a better paragraph will form only when you totally delete what you wrote and sit with a blank slate. It's about believing that only when surrender how you think it should be will you be able to open up to what is.

And yet, I know so many people, myself included, who clasp onto relationships, to a vision of their life, to an expectation, way past their expiry date. Why?

One perspective is based on the theory of the sunk cost fallacy. The principle is simple: we continue a behavior because of the amount of time/energy/resources/effort we have invested.

Let me explain.

After thousands of years of decision making, our brain has developed a survival mechanism of placing greater importance on avoiding pain than maximizing pleasure. Studies show that we simply do not treat loss and gain equally. In fact, we will do quite anything to avoid feeling loss. 

Think about what that means - if you spent $100 on a movie that you hate two minutes in, you will most likely continue to endure watching it because you feel you wasted the $100 if you don't. That's the fallacy though... the $100 is gone no matter what.

So when making decisions, our brain is wired to take into consideration the amount of time/energy/money we invested in something, even though we can’t get that back no matter what we decide, leading us to perpetuate the past into the future.

There are many reasons for why we may do this, ranging from fear of wasting {you want to prove that you were not wasting your time so you stay hoping things will improve}, to inaction inertia {it’s easier to stay the course than to change}, to loss aversion {we don’t like losing}.

My theory is that its because we are terrified of feeling the uncomfortable emotions that arise and the meaning we’ve unconsciously placed on those emotions about who we are. Based on my experience around decision making, I can see that whenever I clung to something beyond it’s due date it was because I was terrified that letting go meant that I was a failure, inadequate, and stupid.

Which leads me back to the point about being willing to change our minds. It's actually not so much about changing the mind as much as it's about being willing to sit with the feelings that arises, feelings of loss and guilt and resentment and sadness.

I believe this is the key to overriding the fallacy and shifting your decision making into one of empowerment and possibilities. Mindfulness practice and a clear why for yourself also helps tremendously.

So I ask you - where are you still clinging on to what you know deep down has already passed? And as I asked a woman in my Worthy Women Rise program yesterday, what feeling will you have to feel if you stopped pushing/clinging/forcing? Can you give yourself permission to feel it?

Learning how to soften when my natural instinct is to harden has taught me a lot about this journey of change and transformation. And I can tell you that no emotion is too scary and overwhelming when we look at what the cost is of pushing; mainly our vitality, our sacred energy, our connection to abundance.

Here’s a little example of this at play - A few months ago I decided to put together a course. At the time, it felt truly inspired. So I invested a lot of money into hiring experts to help me craft this course and time into creating the sales page and all the back end work. I received positive feedback from my trusted colleagues and I was ready to go.

And then the day before the beginning of my launch, I felt a hard NO in my body. A not yet. This isn’t right.

I was devastated. I had put all this time and money in! But by this point I have cultivated a deeper trust in my body and my inner knowing, if it’s not meant to be, it’s ok. It doesn't mean anything. Something better is on its way.

I never ended up launching that course and I am so glad I didn’t. I can see now how it wasn’t aligned, it was based on an idea that was not mine to manifest.

Giving myself permission to change my mind, to be nimble and soft and receptive offers the gateway to an intimate dance with our truest path. It's a marvelous thing.

To your worth,