Feeling Worthy is critical to women's leadership


No one doubts the importance of claiming our worth as women in the world.

In fact, you will most likely find the word "self-worth" in every self-development and spiritual book written. It's the bedrock of our confidence and of our ability to take up space and express ourselves. It's the first thing that seems to go when life gets hard and it's the most elusive thing to find when we are climbing our way to the top.

We all have a sense of what unworthiness is... we have it even before we know we have it. But no one seems to be able to articulate why all women have it and why we can't just shake it off.

Is it as simple as to say that unworthiness is part of the life experience? That the fact that everyone has it means that we just have to live with it and deal with it the best that we can?

Maybe unworthiness isn't important to address... if even "successful" women, as defined by our society, can make money and have big careers while carrying around their unworthiness, maybe we can too.

What I have found, however, is that women who don't spend time cultivating and reintegrating their worth find themselves walking around feeling like they are living a shallow version of themselves. They can't seem to truly enjoy their lives. They long for spontaneous joy and greater freedom.

We must all go through the heroine's journey of reconditioning ourselves back to a space of worth if we want any chance of liberation.

worthiness wound thais sky

What is the point of achieving success and getting what we want if we are feeling broken and unworthy?

If we are to see a rise in women's voices in the world, we must embody our power. Worthiness is key.

Which then begs the question of HOW. How do we start to untangle our unworthiness?

Based on my own experiences and studies on trauma, neurology and women's psychology, I have concluded that mindset and "faking it 'til you make it" doesn't work. There are too many unconscious beliefs, imprints and biases we must uncover and heal first before we can just "change our thoughts to change our lives." I deeply believe everything we do stems from a positive intention of wanting to be safe. If we are to step into our worthiness, we have to understand that sense of safety!

Effective leadership rests on our ability to be visible, to ask for what we want, and to claim our space. 

My own journey of healing the worthiness wound coupled with intense research combing through the narratives of women who have uncovered their worthiness wound had lead me to put together a model, a guideline to better understand how the unworthiness was created and what we can do to start enriching our lives with enoughness and satisfaction.

Claiming our worth is the necessary first step as women enter their journey of the heroine and step into leadership. This is where we must begin. Come join me on this journey.

Here are some popular questions around the worthiness wound:

What is the worthiness wound?

The worthiness wound is that pervasive sense of unworthiness that lies deep in our bodies that includes the pain of:

  • Feeling not enough and broken

  • Disconnected from your true self

  • Feeling unloveable

  • Shame of who you are

We were not born feeling unworthy. Very quickly, however, life on this planet taught us that women are secondary, that the masculine symbols of success rule, that God was created in the image of Man and women will never live up. This sense of shame that comes from the patriarchal culture augments the unlovability we feel as we navigate the challenges of childhood and not receiving the unconditional love we crave. Add to this mix our mother's worthiness wound and how it manifests in her life, and in the life of her mother and her mother's mother... and we have the ripe ingredients to create a split in all women. A split that tells us that who we are is not enough.

Our journey now is the journey of coming back to ourselves, of healing the split, of finding our worth. 

How does the worthiness wound manifest?

Depending on your circumstances and how various life conditions affected you and your personality, the worthiness wound generally manifests in our lives as:

>> Addictions and self-sabotaging patterns

>> Deep fear of taking a stand for something {and of putting yourself out there} because of what other people will think

>> Keeping your heart closed and being non-committal because you expect to be let down

>> Not making the type of money you desire {our net-worth is definitely connected to our self-worth}

>> Distrustful of emotions, desires, intuition, pleasure and longing

>> Controlling, domineering, rigid, and perfectionistic to the point of paralysis

>> People pleasing and poor boundaries {feeling apologetic about taking up space}

>> Constantly comparing yourself to others

>> Feeling the need to prove yourself over and over and over again

We know that the worthiness wound is at play when no matter what results you achieve in your life, it never feels good enough. There's this unshakeable sense within you that you have to work harder, push harder, and do more if you're to succeed in the world. This is often coupled with an obsession with success to validate yourself... and that when you finally get the success you want you can give a big FUCK YOU to your caregivers or society as a whole.

What is the cost of not healing the worthiness wound?

Not addressing our unworthiness comes at a great cost. Some of them include:

>> An unshakeable sense that there’s something wrong with you

>> Never going after what you really want, or sabotaging when you get close

>> Lack of intimacy in relationships and friendships

>> Being closed off to spontaneous joy 

>> Playing small for the sake of not rocking the boat

>> Staying in destructive relationships and patterns

>> Needing permission from others or approval before moving forward

>> Not speaking up when it matters

There is nothing that you will ever do, or say that can or will make you more worthy. And there is nothing that you will ever do or say, or fail to do or say that will or could ever make you less worthy. You are worthy simply because you exist. Healing the worthiness wound allows you to internalize this concept so you actually FEEL enough. In that alchemy, anything is possible.

What are the benefits of healing the worthiness wound?

Healing the worthiness wound is not a one-stop shop. Similarly to a physical wound, first you must address and understand the wound, then you must clean and suture the wound, and finally you have to keep tender care for external circumstances that may come and rip open the wound once more. The work is well worth the effort. As we begin to heal this wound, we open ourselves up to endless possibilities of being human, including the ability to:

>> Feel more comfortable with your emotions

>> Make tremendously more money and impact

>> Ask for what you want with ease

>> Create a container for yourself of compassion and self-acceptance

>> Access your higher self

>> Feel a total freedom to fully express yourself

>> Become more fluid, flexible, spontaneous and happy

>> Feel vulnerable and real in relationships and in your leadership

>> Embody this sense that you have nothing to prove to no one

The journey of the worthy woman is the journey back to yourself. Your true self. The self you were born to be before everyone told you to be. Your biggest most expressive sense of self. This is the work of women's liberation. I am honored to be on this journey with you.