When I started the journey of doing inner work over ten years ago, I discovered the brilliance of cultivating a relationship with my inner little girl. Since then I have seen such a clear connection between knowing her and healing the worthiness wound.
You see, within each of us lies a little wounded child who craves our love and attention. This little girl comes from our inability to navigate the suffering, trauma and challenges that inevitably come with childhood. In an attempt to alleviate the pain we do not know how to bear, we stuff it into our unconscious mind. It’s like we froze her in time by disassociating from our hurts.
As we enter adulthood, we are unaware of our inner child, nor are we aware that the many difficulties we navigate, including relationships, our behaviors and our emotions, stem from her being unacknowledged.
In fact, for most of us we are responding to life from the space of a child in an adult body, wrecking havoc along the way. While we may look like adults, true adulthood is being able to acknowledge and take responsibility for loving and parenting our inner child. Instead, we often abuse, neglect, punish, abandon and reject her.
On some level we are afraid of her, afraid of looking at our wounding, afraid of the suffering. One some level, we have never been taught to parent ourselves, continuing late into our lives expecting our parents/caregivers to give us what they never could, leading to growing resentment and festering the mother wound. On some level, we have been taught that this is what adulthood is, to “grow up” means to be devoid of childlike wonder and play.
Imagine the result of having an emotionally wounded five year old trying to run an adults life with adult consequences. Imagine a hurt, scared, seven year old attempting to navigate the complexity of adult relationships, making financial decisions, and cultivating a fulfilling career. It’s no wonder we feel so anxious, insecure, lost, lonely, small, inferior. That’s exactly how a little kid would feel in an adult life.
Whenever I freak out at my partner for some tiny thing and feel abandoned because he cannot meet my very specific need, I know it's my little girl. When I am feel rejected so deeply I collapse into hopelessness, that’s my little girl. When I don’t get my way and throw a tantrum, that’s my little girl.
By not tending to her, we are perpetuating the unlovability and lack of safety that created her in the first place. And it is this unlovability that feeds into our worthiness wound.
Many of us deny the true depth of what we had to experience in childhood. I know that was true for me. Subsequently, we live our lives never quite knowing ourselves, never quite settling into our hearts. This creates a kind of holding pattern that constricts the flow and ease that is possible when we feel alive, grounded, embodied.
When I started seeing my healer and deepening my relationship with my little girl, the sense that something was wrong with me began to dissipate and I started to understand that my pain was not because I was flawed but because there was a deprivation of unconditionality from my family and from culture that devalues me as a woman.
What a relief! I am not broken. The system is broken. And now, we get to break the cycle. We don’t have to let our parent’s, and specifically our mother’s, inability to nourish us keep us from nourishing ourselves.
And we begin with our little girl.
Now just to be clear - our little one is not inherently bad or wanting to hurt us, she is simply wounded. And she needs us desperately. No matter how much we may ignore the call with distractions and numbing out, there are serious consequences to ignoring her, like a sense of alienation and un-belonging from our lives, like low self-esteem and body image, like intimacy issues and lack of trust for ourselves and others, like inability to self-express and compensating through rigidity and control.
My little girl holds so much wisdom, wisdom that is accessible simply by placing my hand on my heart, closing my eyes, and seeking her out. She tells me the root of why I am feeling what I am feeling. She tells me when I am too busy in my mind and not tending to my needs. She tells me when its time to get up and dance.
We will explore how to access our inner little girl and heal the relationship so we can parent ourselves and step into our authority as adults in my upcoming program Worthy Women Rise. Learn more about it here. I also have a meditation to guide our journey with her, which you can get here.
What I am speaking of here is not about perpetuating an abusive relationship with out little one where we take what we want and ignore her when we’ve had enough. It’s about learning to mother ourselves, it’s about unlearning the ways we were taught love is from parents who were imperfect, it’s about giving ourselves the unconditional love we’ve always needed.
What happens when we step into our inner motherhood is we develop a connection with ourselves that serves as a link to our authentic life. We begin to feel worthy in our own love and in the love of others. We begin to stand as adults, whole, thriving, FULL. And you are so deserving of that.
To your worth,