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I am obsessed with the TV show Billions. Good plot, great acting, amazing synergy - what's there not to like?

One of the main characters, a self-made billionaire made a multi-million dollar mistake. He asked his in-house psychologist to help him understand what happened. He said, "I made a mistake and I know it was mental, I know why I made the mistake and now I need to know why I wanted to make the mistake."

To me, that's the most genius understanding of what it looks like to take self-responsibility.

When we hear of self-responsibility we often think of blaming ourselves for the endless mistakes that we have made. It's a shame-inducing process of making ourselves feel bad for not being the perfect person that we somehow think we need to be all the time.

News flash: that's not self-responsibility.

That's just pure shaming. And it's the easier path. Because when you shame yourself and feel guilty or "bad" for what you have done, you don't leave much space to actually look at what happened with clear eyes and a full heart. You're so busy feeling sorry for yourself that you can't look at the situation with honesty and compassion.

So you don't really learn from what happened. Which means inevitably it's going to happen again and again and again until you decide enough is enough.

If that's where you are now - good. Now is when the real work begins. And it starts by asking yourself, "what results am I getting in my life right now and why am I, on some level, wanting what I am getting?"

Whenever you make a mistake, it's because on some level you either don't believe you can reach the level of success that you want, or because staying where you are is satisfying some belief within you. Like that character from Billions said, it's always mental, and it's always purposeful.

There are different levels of intention. There is the conscious level of intention which you purposefully choose... and then there is the unconscious intention based on beliefs and stories you have cultivated throughout the years. If you are not consciously choosing your problems, then they must be unconscious intentions.

So why are you wanting to make the mistakes that you have made, love?

THIS is self-responsibility. Knowing that everything that is happening in your life is because you have put it there. Asking yourself the important questions that finally break the pattern of staying stuck. Exploring what it could look like it if it were all happening for us to support our growth.

Ditch the shame shit. Practice so much self-love that you just look at your life in wonder. Drink in your mistakes as if they were Godsend {cause they were}, and always remember: the more you say yes to self-responsibility, the greater freedom you have to choose something different.

In light + leadership,