Today I want to talk to you about PAIN.
As I was clearing out closet to make way for my winter clothes this past weekend, I found some old journals.
As I was leafing through the pages, I found one particular journal entry that brought tears to my eyes.
Before I share the passage with you, I want to give you a bit of context. You see, my entire teen years was spent in a state of angst against any form of "God." I just couldn’t believe God/Universe would care about little ol’ me and allow so much suffering in the world. And so with the addition of some self-induced difficulties, I developed the mentality of me against the world. I pretty much lived in a painful state while tricking myself into thinking I was ok... until my entire world came crashing down around me.
Summer of 2009 my boyfriend and “soul mate” and I ended our relationship of two years. I lost all my friends through that separation process. My health was deteriorating and I was bingeing frequently. I was in a lot of soul pain, lonely, scared with no idea of what I wanted in my life and on some level no longer content with suffering.
Then I had an experience many call the dark night of the soul, a very turbulent "hitting the bottom" moment.
I couldn’t find any journal entries about that actual night but I did find one from a couple days later. Here’s what I wrote:
August 21, 2009
The best part of the month, however, has to do with the fact that I slowly started loving and accepting myself for who I am. Reading Susan’s book (The Undefended Self by Susan Thesenga) has made me realize how I truly am my only best friend and I felt such a relief with that knowledge. I know all my flaws and yet I still love myself, what more could I ask for? Once this revelation hit me, I found God. Out of the blue I started seeing how the Universe really does provide for me in times of crisis. No bad thing can ever happen to me if I turn all bad things into lessons.
The first time I prayed I started crying. I’ve held such a block against Him for so long… it’s like a weight has been removed from my shoulders. It’s really fantastic. I hope to continue learning and growing and become a mature, beautiful, loving adult. I know I have what it takes.
The night I found God, or the abundant love energy all around us, and it changed my life forever. I could have never known, even a day before that dark night of the soul that I was going to have one of the biggest awakening moments of my life.
Going through any sort of pain, no matter the size, can be a very difficult experience for our hearts.
But what I learned from that experience so long ago and what I want you to remember is that any pain you experience has divine guidance. And if you allow it, experiencing your pain fully can be the biggest catalyst to love.
I cannot image that the process of a snake shedding its skin is painless. Yet he does it with faith that he will come out of the experience stronger and with a new skin that fits his growing presence. The same with a phoenix. We are all familiar with the story of the phoenix rising from the ashes. But before he can rise, he must go through the burning. I don’t know about you, but that transformation sounds extremely painful. Yet it’s the most necessary and important trip that phoenix can take.
Even if you are not a Christian, we can all learn about the life of Jesus Christ. While he was being tortured and dying on the cross, he still managed to be filled with love for those crucifying him because he had faith that this transformation was what was required of him to change the world. I mean, woah.
So remember that every storm in our lives is purposeful and meant to elevate us to the next level of being. That dark night of the soul experience was what I needed to leave my narrow existence and open my eyes to the light. I had to go through the pain in order to get there, though. No mud, no lotus.
You may not be able to understand the WHY. Why this is happening, why the descent is so painful, why it has to look like this. And that’s ok. We don’t need to know the why as much as we need to focus on honoring this pain.
No matter what you are going through right now, remember that the divine presence is with you, guiding you, urging you to grow and be the best version of yourself. You are never ever alone. The more you can open up to this, the more you will get out of this experience.
Change is inevitable but progress is optional. Are you going to take this opportunity to expand your faith in life and appreciate that pain is your greatest catalyst to love or are you going to allow it to weaken you? The choice is yours, sister.
To your worth,