2016 has been a big year for many of us. A year where we have seen many invitations to shift our perception of who we are and what we are capable of.
For me, 2016 has been a year of exponential growth and a hard look at authenticity. Many lessons arose around expansion while staying grounded in my voice and my truth.
The hardest thing I had to experience this year, and one of the most divine privileges, was constantly falling into what I call comparitis, the incessant need to compare your life to someone else's.
Social media, unfortunately, makes this all too easy. One click of a button and suddenly you see everyone's highlight reels.
When I look back at my 2016 and take note of everything that has transpired, this has been an incredible year.
I was featured on TV, I grew a community in Los Angeles, I was nominated for Forbes 30 Under 30, I got a dog, etc etc.
But I didn't always feel that way as the year unfolded. In fact many times throughout this year I have felt inadequate, jealous, and angry at the lack of movement in my life compared to those of my colleagues.
That damn comparitis. The heartwrenching feeling of not enoughness. The deep envy that fills your mind with limiting beliefs and keep you staying stuck. The breaking of spirits.
I believe comparitis is a manifestation of the worthiness wound, a deep place within us where from the womb we were taught that as women, we are problematic. This wound is further augmented by our experiences and traumas. Again and again we are shown and told that we are not enough. And that if we were to try to be enough, it has to be through the male gaze. This means that from an early age, we were taught to look at how others perceive us as a sign of our worth.
This attachment to the viewpoint of others for our sense of well-being means on some deep level we feel that we must compare ourselves to others in order to feel safe.
That means that comparitis has nothing to do with the person or the thing and everything to do with your relationship with yourself.
In order to fully heal our comparitis and find a healthier relationship with ourselves and our worth, we must look at how the worthiness wound has shaped our lives. This is imperative.
AND we must also look at the habits we have developed because of this wound and find ways to shift the behavior. Both are necessary for the path of the worthy woman.
Here are some ways I have mitigated my tendency to compare:
1) I place limits on how often I go on social media. I use the Chrome extension Newsfeed Eradicator to remove Facebook's newsfeed. I use social media tools to schedule out posts. And most recently, I committed to staying off social media completely on the weekends. Social media addiction is also directly corollated to depression. If we want to find a deeper relationship with ourselves and address our wounds, we first have to cut off the source of the pain. Social media is one of them.
2) Recommit to consistent meditation practice. While meditation isn't always the answer, I have found that the more we can spend time bringing our energy and power within, the more strength and resilience we have to cut off behaviors and patterns that perpetuate comparitis. The space between the action and the reaction is the space that is cultivated in meditation and it is this space that can stop you from going on Facebook or gossiping about other people.
3) Be In gratitude. Gratitude is more than just making a list. It's a way of being. It's constantly reminding yourself what you do have. Gratitude is a form of rebellion in a materialistic society that perpetuates the idea of lack. If you can practice gratitude on a consistent basis, you stop feeding the energy of not enoughness. This has the capacity to change everything.
I wish for your 2017 to be liberated. Expansive. Joyful.
Place systems in your life so you start finding liberation from the wound that keeps women small. This is a matter of breaking the bad habits cultivated from the worthiness wound which means you can do something about it. Trust me, jealousy is not a catalyst for action. And even if it were, it wouldn't be positive action. Focus on your life, your soul, your contribution. The rest will inevitably follow.