screw budgeting. do this instead.

I don’t believe in budgeting.

Let me tell you why.

One of the things I have seen over and over again is how closely money and food are energetically connected. How we relate to one is usually how we relate to the other. 

This was never more clear to me when I was just starting to find some respite from binge eating when I noticed I would "splurge" or binge spend in much the same way I would consume food - with this ravishness and hunger that seemed insatiable. At first I didn't really see the connection. Money is totally different, I rationalized. There is a finite source in my account whereas access to food is unlimited.

But that's as far as the difference went. Because when I looked deeper, I realized that in fact they both carried the same ability to define my goodness. If I was within budget, or within my calorie allotment for the day, I was good. But if I indulged in a shirt or in a cupcake, my inner critic would go wild {if you are feeling a total amen about crazy inner critics, I am hosting a workshop at the end of the month, in person here in LA or via livesteam, to support you in navigating the inner critic. Learn more here.}

My need to feel in control in my life led to an overzealous desire to journal everything I ate, and document every dime I spent. This was my way of gaining clarity and order in what I perceived was a chaotic Universe.

While I kept a meticulous account of where my money went, I never felt abundant. While I noted every calorie I consumed, I never felt good in my body.

Because rigidity and deprivation simply doesn't allow space for much of anything else.

So while I certainly felt on occasion more in control, most of the time I was battling my deep shame at not being able to exert will-power to the extent I thought was necessary for happiness.

It was only a few years ago, when I was already finding much healing around food, that I first noticed a similar pattern happening around my money story. I would budget fiercely, and yet not only was I never able to adhere to the budget, I would experience deep brokeness when I bought something I really wanted that would align me to my greatest self... simply because it didn't fit this ideal of how much I "should" spend. 

Just like with binge eating where I was not able to trust myself around food, with this new binge shopping that would sporadically unfold, I would not be able to trust myself around money.

My ability to navigate life got narrower and more constrained until I felt I literally couldn't breathe from the very painful thoughts I had about my worthiness.

So what's the answer? To never buy things? To never eat again?

No, the answer is to look at the pattern and break it.

I stopped budgeting. I stopped accounting for every dollar. I stopped micromanaging my money. In fact, I was so caught up in my tight-ass way of being I had to go the complete opposite spectrum of fully neglecting my finances and barely looking at money for over a year for me to come to a better, more sustainable relationship with money. 

And now, as someone on the other side, someone with a really great relationship with money and with myself, let me tell you - budgeting is not the answer. Oh and in case you wanted some health advice too, calorie counting is also not the answer for sustained weightloss.

Wanna know what is? Trusting yourself and doing what feels good.

Nothing I ever wanted, nothing that took me to the next level, was in my budget. And yet, it was those decisions, like investing in a coach and moving to LA without the income I thought I needed that has allowed me to make the income I am making now, and most importantly, the life that I am leading now.

So instead of budgeting, I focus on being intentional around my money. I make purchases based on what feels good. Not "what feels good to my Ego," not, "what feels good right now," but rather, "what makes my soul sing." And when I make decisions from THAT place, I am ALWAYS supported. Money always comes in. Abundance attracts abundance. Period.

That's not to say I ignore my money or spend willy nilly. In fact, I commit to weekly Friday money dates to look at my expenses and make sure they continue to align with what feels good. It feels fucking good to be in a flow with my money. And my body. And my decisions.

So the point is - it's not really about the money. Or about food. It's about your relationship with yourself. With control. With God. The great part though is that food and money and relationships exist for us to see where we are tripping over ourselves. Where we are getting stuck. Where you may need a little healing.

Next time you notice the need to control, ask yourself, "what's really going on here?" Dig deeper. Let life help you go inward. And for the love of all things holy, stop budgeting. And counting calories. And defining yourself with numbers. You worthiness is far too great to be limited by what is in your bank account.

In light + leadership,

PS. Have a wild inner critic you would like to finally tame so it doesn't run your life? Join my upcoming lecture {in person or via livestream}, Just Stop It, where I will show you my exact process for navigating my inner critic with grace. Because you don't have to "deal with it" anymore. Learn more + buy your ticket here.