Let’s talk about buying stuff. And what it means about confidence.
My dream car is a porsche macan s. Everything about the car feels exciting to me. I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN IT?!?
Last week, I spent some time crunching numbers and figuring out a way to make this investment. While doing so, I felt this familiar compulsion within me to just buy it and figure out the consequences later. It was the same feeling I had when I used to binge - the desire to just have it NOW. Instant gratification.
Luckily I have the tools now to not only recognize what is going on but to know that this compulsion is actually an invitation to investigate what is REALLY going on.
And when I did, I realized I want to buy this car now to make me feel successful. This compulsion was a place within me wanting to mask my true feelings of fear, inadequacy and not enoughness that was come up from launching my challenge into the world.
When we do big things, feelings like this are natural. But because they are uncomfortable we have found ways to stuff them inside of us. Unfortunately, these feelings don’t just go away, they simply manifest in other ways.. like bingeing or addiction or the compulsion I felt to just buy the car.
Does this sound familiar to you? Have you ever bought something hoping it would make you feel a certain way only to realize you now have one more pair of shoes and still have all your shit to deal with?
When we look at our culture... we are consuming things in greater and greater quantities but studies show we growing increasingly unhappy. Why? My theory is because we are hoping these things are going to bring some sort of fulfillment. But it doesn’t.
The problem is - we buy something, it gives us a momentary high… and then the feeling fades and we are back to longing for something more. So we buy bigger more expensive things only to find the same thing to happen again and again.
There is nothing wrong with buying nice things. And I WILL own my porsche soon. It's about the energy behind what you're going. Are you buying something from a place of brokenness and a desire to feel something different? If so, you're going to be wildly disappointed.
Every time we consume something, whether that is food, alcohol, clothes, TV… it’s an opportunity to practice intentionality. Does this make me feel GOOD? Or does it leave me feeling like crap? Do I feel better after doing this, or do I feel worse?
Question EVERYTHING. Be curious to the answers. And shift accordingly. This is the path of the unfuckwithable woman.