change how you feel by women's leadership coach and spiritual teacher thais

Hey darling,

One of the things that I see a lot in the self-improvement world is this tenacity to quickly change how you feel. 

When I was in the depths of my woes with my binge eating and feeling just an utter sense of loss and fear in my life… I remember feeling so panicky. So scared. So… alone. I was willing to do ANYTHING to make those feelings go away.

I thought the problem lied in the feelings. That if I made the feelings go away, the problem would be solved.

We try to change our feelings in a variety of ways. We instantly react in the situation. We talk to other people. We complain. We moan. We go into a rant in our heads about why that person is wrong. We read. We dance party. We numb out by bingeing or watching TV. We will literally do ANYTHING to get away from the tension, the uncomfortable feelings that so often arise in us.

This also happens when we are facing uncertainty. When we are not getting the results that we want. When we are in the midst of feeling stuck.

We do EVERYTHING to try to change the situation. To get clarity. To feel better.

We simply cannot stand sitting with the tension.

Am I right or am I right?

Partly, this is all because of our biological desire to chase pleasure and move away from pain.


As we crave to move beyond our biological limitations and create true freedom in our lives, it's time to create something new. Luckily, science has shown that we can totally shift our brain chemistry.

It's time to stop trying to wrap a pretty bow around your life.

Because any time you do not allow your feelings to release, they bottle up inside of you, bubbling and boiling until it all comes out in an uncontrollable force. Which is TERRIFYING.

So what if we could sit with the tension instead?

Don't back away from the feelings of futility and frustration and anger and fear and whatever else is coming up. Stop trying to filter your life. Don't deny it or ignore it or pretend it's not there. Embrace it. Name it. Go into it. Embrace the idea that you're stuck and annoyed and wanting to binge and that you may not get the recognition you desire.

Connect with the tension. If you feel like a victim, bring that stuff out. Notice it. Sit with it. Feel the burning in your body.

This resistance... it's holy territory. 

The more I sat with my unresolved pain and uncomfortable desires to binge, the more I realized you can never run away from your feelings. Because every time you do, your feelings are really running you. My bingeing wasn't going to disappear if I kept making an enemy out of the feelings, it was only going to shift when I embraced it and made it my own.

So ask yourself, love, is this an obstacle {your lack of clarity, frustrations, etc} REALLY an obstacle? Or is it an invitation to sit with the tension and allow it to transform you?

Most likely, it's the second one. So sit with it. Be with it.

And remember - what you resist, persists. But what you allow, will flow through you and catalyze you to radical self-acceptance.

To your worth,